The Secret's in the Telling
by Sam Carter O'Neill
Summary: SJ post threads yes, I'm still stuck on it...


Title: The Secret's in the Telling

Setting: post- Threads

Pairing: SJ

Summary: What could have happened after Sam realized Pete wasn't going to make her happy?

S J s j S J s j S J

"Your father was a good man."

"Yeah…" Samantha Carter opened her black umbrella and took a step out of the funeral home and into the mid-summer downpour. "In ways I still can't believe he's really gone."

"It's hard to deal with when both parents are gone and you suddenly realize that you're… well _you_'re never alone, Carter." Jack O'Neill walked by her side and stopped when they had reached her car in the parking lot. He took the umbrella and held it over her. "You _do_ know that, right?"

She sighed audibly as she bent down to stick the key in the door. "You know," she opened the door and sat in the driver's seat, then shut the door as her commanding officer got in the passenger's seat. "I've been so naïve." She put her key in the ignition and the engine hummed; she placed one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the armrest in the door. She didn't drive off yet, just stared ahead into the rainy afternoon and spoke as though speaking to someone outside the car. "I've been so… off."

"You've been… searching. There's nothing wrong with that."

"But… Now that my search has gone so far I don't know that I'll ever get back. I mean, after all, I've been searching for happiness and… I'm just going to end up taking it away from someone else. "

"What do you mean? I thought—"

"I'll never love Pete the way he loves me; he'll never make me happy the way I make him happy…"

He winced, "the whole 'big, huge mistake' thing?"

"If I married him, there would always be the thought of 'what if.' What if… things had been different; if there were no missed opportunities or… regulations... or Kerris or Petes…"

"Carter. First of all, Kerri and I aren't seeing each other anymore. But I'm glad we did… because sometimes we have to make mistakes to understand what's right. Sometimes we have to let go of what we think are dreams to know that they are attainable."

" 'Attainable' isn't exactly the word I'd use."

"… I thought I was the cynic. Look, the Samantha Carter I know isn't afraid to try anything and everything to make things work, to make her goals attainable."

"Why didn't you stop me?"

"What?"

"When I showed you the ring, you could have _told_ me…"

"Aw come on. All I wanted was what you wanted. And it seemed to me that you wanted a normal life. A house, kids, a dog… I can't give you those things, but Pete can."

"Jack," she almost whispered, tearing her eyes from the empty lot ahead of her to gaze intently upon the man whose name she spoke. "Those things… they aren't for me. I always thought I wanted a simple life but I've realized that my life is anything but simple—I work with _aliens_ on a daily basis!" A single imploring tear finally broke through the shields Samantha Carter had built and ran from her glistening eyes down her face.

"Sam, I—I don't think you understand what you're about to throw away… This man is committed to spending the rest of his life with you—"

"Would you?"

"Would--? Carter, that's not fair."

"No, you're right. I'm about to throw away a lot. But I want to know if I'm going to throw it away for nothing or for something better."

"Look—_I _don't know what _you_ want!"

"Stop telling me what you think I want! What do _you_ want, Jack?"

"I—It doesn't matter what I want! I'm not the one supposed to get married next week!"

"So the answer is 'no,' then."

"No! I mean…" he drew in a shuddering breath. "Do you really want to know what I want? I want to protect you. If we sacrifice everything we have to pursue a relationship, one that is _currently_ _forbidden_, I might add, I might end up hurting you and what I want the most is more what I don't want; I don't want you to get hurt."

She froze… she certainly hadn't been expecting that response. "I'm not afraid."

"No one is ever afraid…"

"I'm not afraid to be in love."

The rain fell fast and loudly on the metal of the car. Jack sat there for a second then turned to stare out the window, "Well maybe I am."

Sam tore her eyes away from her commanding officer and friend of many years and stared at the ring on her left hand that was supposed to symbolize 'forever.' One thing she knew was that if she were going to spend an eternity with one man, that man was not Pete Shanahan.


End file.
